Blue in the Morning
by FemL
Summary: He reminded her of the sea in winter - calm and peaceful. He was her sanctuary. Yet, things are not always so simple. ShinxOC NanaxRen HachixNana


**Blue in the Morning**  
Akeno Aoi - Chapter O1

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The sea in winter, all bitter winds and biting waves, was her favorite place. Devoid of the tourists that crowded the golden sands in the summer, the winter shore offered solitude. The hungry cries of seagulls gliding overhead and the soft crashing of waves on land fended off the silence that she so despised. Saltwater fingers rushed up the shoreline, reaching greedily for her, urging her to the water's depths. The pull it had on her never ceased to amaze her - a quiet voice in the back of her head pushing her to embrace the dark temptation of eternal peace. She could never quite bring herself to end it. She had decided she was far too much of a coward to ever do such a daring, decisive thing a few years ago. Yet the longing remained with her, matching her steps, trailing alongside her like a shadow. Easily forgotten, but always present.

A breath escaped her, the air warming the soft blue knit of her scarf before revealing itself in the cold morning as her own little cloud. The sand, a bleak grey in the pre-dawn hours at which she had first arrived, blossomed with color as the sun peeked our across the horizon. As the sunrise painted her pink, she checked her watch with slight reluctance. Time and reality were discouraging. Allowing the cream colored sleeve of her coat to cover her watch once again, she turned away from the dawn.

_Only one more year,_ she reminded herself, as she reached the old dark blue bike she'd had since Junior High and felt her will waver.

Climbing atop the bike, she pushed off toward the school, peddling lazily down the sidewalk. The streets were deserted, those who were awake not daring to venture out into the unforgiving outside and most still sleeping in the comfort of their beds. She did not mind the isolation, as she possessed a distinct fear of crowds. It would take her an hour to reach her high school, but it was a trip she was well accustomed to, having lived so far away from town much of her life.

It was halfway through her trip, when the sounds of the sea faded into the distance, that she had to put on her headphones. Large and worn, the headphones cradled her head like a mother's arms, the music that flowed from their speakers warming her chilled limbs. It was only once the music drowned her thoughts that the blue feeling that plagued her in the mornings was allayed. Yet this fix was merely temporary, she knew it would return to her soon.

Black hair streamed out behind her, cold wind whipping against her as she sailed down a hill. The bite of winter did not irritate her, not when the smooth sounds of drums and bass guitar were serenading her, smothering her thoughts. When the low voice begin to play through the speakers, she joined it. Belting out notes destined to be off-key and stifled by the thick knit of her scarf as she peddled through vacant streets, she knew she had no talent for singing.

At the moment, it didn't matter to her.

The city smelled of fish and exhaustion, though that was to be expected of a place that's only income relied on the fickleness of the fishing industry and the labor of men. It was a tightly knit community - secrets were something taboo and hard to keep here. She rounded a corner, gliding smoothly toward the school as her schoolmates gossiped their way through the old brown brick gates. Her voice had gone silent as soon the town had entered her vision a few miles back, but the music still blared from her headphones.

Peddling through the entrance, she dismounted her bike once she reached the battered metal bike rack. She was loath to remove the well-worn headphones, yet such things were prohibited at the school. An unwarranted tension riddled her body the moment the music died, but the feeling did not stop her winding the cord around the headphones and tucking them in her schoolbag.

It was then that she had to come to terms with her surroundings, something she dreaded every morning. Groups of girls giggled like a gaggle of geese, talking about whatever boy had caught their capricious interest and the latest gossip circulating around. Boys talked of marriage, a strange thing to be doing so early in this modern age, she believed. She supposed most had small family business' to inherit, but she did not understand their lack of desire to leave the confining town. Anxiety rose like bile in her throat, burning her insides, and she clasped her hands together to hide their shaking.

"Good morning, Aoi-chan!" A airy voice called from a little farther down the walkway leading into the locker room entrance.

"Good morning, Satomi-san," she returned, watching her friend jog over to where she was standing.

Kato Satomi had been her friend since primary school. She was a bright girl, all brown-eyed and bubbly. Her black hair was pulled into a high bun today, a pair of bright pink balls dangling from her hair ties. Satomi had an infectious smile and was typically the light of the room. Aoi was fond of telling herself that it was Satomi who had inspired the wanderlust to root itself inside her, selfishly wishes not to be the strange one in the relationship. Aoi knew the truth though - she was the one who was unhappy with her role in this town, not Satomi.

"Looking a little _blue_ today, Aoi?" Satomi commented, holding back a giggle at her play on Aoi's name. She skipped to Aoi's side, linking elbows with her.

"Nice joke, Satomi," Aoi deadpanned, though she forced on a smile. "I haven't heard that one since _yesterday_."

"Oh, lighten up! We're Third Years, now!" Satomi declared, breaking away from Aoi to put her tennis shoes in her locker. "Can't be gloomy about that."

"I'm not gloomy!" Aoi protested, frowning at her friend as she slipped on her indoor shoes. "I'm just tired in the mornings."

"You're tired _always_ then," Satomi grumbled, a good-natured frown on her face. "Why don't you try drinking some coffee? My parents do that and it seems to perk _them_ up!"

"Maybe," Aoi replied vaguely, moving slowly to hide her shaking from Satomi.

It wasn't that she didn't want to worry her friend - it was that she didn't want to lose her to some tick that she couldn't stop when she got nervous. Satomi, despite outwardly against the small-town mentality, remained a victim to it. Aoi was certain that Satomi would be bothered by her fear and view it as unnatural.

_I'm good at keeping things to myself anyway,_ Aoi reaffirmed, stretching her lips into a small smile as Satomi dragged her to home room.

Her school day passed reliability unremarkable. She chatted with Satomi in home room before the teacher she'd had for home room as a first year called attention. She spoke when spoken to, smiling and frowning when the monotonous conversation required. She turned in homework given the night before and received an average grade on all her tests. She participated in the tedium that this small town called life.

By the time the bell signaling the end of school rang, Aoi was exhausted and eager to leave. Promptly waving a polite goodbye to Satomi, she clambered up onto her worn blue bike and sped off. She heard Satomi shout a genial 'See ya tomorrow' behind her and Aoi felt a twinge of guilt in her chest. Her peddling did not slow.

Aoi was halfway through town, cruising down the same path she had for years, before she crashed. The cause was an old woman, a widow whose wrinkles and bitterness concealed her sadness, who had been shuffling home from the market. The fact that she had avoided toppling the old woman did little to soothe the pain from skidding across the pavement. Elbows and knees busted from the fall, Aoi scrambled to stand and gather the lady's groceries, as the shock had caused her to drop them.

"I am so sorry! Usually no one takes this way, so I don't pay much attention," Aoi apologized, bowing low to emphasize her repentance. The older members of the community had a tendency to swat hard when they felt disrespected. Aoi did not want to risk upsetting her father with a bruise. "Please don't tell my father!"

"Your father needs to know to deal with his child's recklessness," the old woman (Hashimoto-san, she believed, though she was markedly bad at remembering names) informed Aoi with a deep scowl. "I shall speak with him at the next town meeting, young lady. Now, your wrist."

"My wrist?" Aoi asked, confused and suspicious over why Hashimoto-san needed her wrist. She feared it would not be pleasant on her end. Meeting the old woman's gaze, Aoi extended her arm reluctantly.

Hashimoto-san, groceries forgotten on the ground beside her, snatched Aoi's arm with surprising force and brought down a hard palm on the soft inside of her wrist. Aoi bit the inside of her cheek to hold in a yelp.

"I am sorry," Aoi repeated, bowing once Hashimoto-san released her arm.

"It is not your fault for your father's choice of a floozy American woman, child," the woman soothed, adjusting her prudish clothing that reeked of fish. "You'd do good to remedy his failures by marrying a healthy Japanese boy. Hopefully your children will not inherit those eyes of yours."

"Hopefully," Aoi agreed, bobbing her head thoughtlessly. Disagreeing would do her no good. "Please have a nice day."

Aoi waited until the old woman had safely rounded the corner allowing a sharp exhale to escape her. Bitterness burned in her chest, a glare settling on her face as she caught her own reflection in the glass of what was once a music store. Blue eyes, the reason for her name, glowered back at her. A poster, freshly posted, snagged her attention as she moved to turn away.

It was an advertisement for a band called Brute, apparently from another small town not too far away. The ad was crudely done but interesting nonetheless - only listing a place and date. Aoi shrugged it off. She doubted anyone else in the town would attend and the idea of being the only one in the crowd scared her. Grabbing her bike from where it had stopped spinning out, Aoi took the opportunity to put her headphones on before climbing onto it and resuming her trip home. It was getting late and she had homework to do.

It was dark by the time Aoi reached her house, a small old thing on the far outskirts of town. Her father was waiting for her inside, his head resting in his rough hands. He looked up with tired eyes as she entered. The sound of the door closing was the only sound for a heartbeat, then shit hit the fan.

"You ran over Hamasaki-san with your today?" He asked and Aoi flinched at his worn out tone.

_Oh, so it was Hamasaki, not Hashimoto._ Aoi mused, preferring to tune out her father as his voice rose to near shouting. She never really understood _why_ he was screaming, though she suspected stress from his job at the docks, and she had learned not to defend her side a long time ago. Aoi stared at her father with indifference, waiting patiently until he finished so she could go upstairs and finish her homework. The one-sided argument ended on a slightly different note that night, however.

"And, damn it Aoi, stop staring at me with those eyes! Their just like your mother's," he finished, shooing her with a tired hand.

Aoi turned stiffly, walking with a stick-straight back away from her father. He had never spoken a harsh word about her mother before. Usually he either avoided speaking about her or told her only the good things. _He's sounding exactly like that old woman,_ Aoi cursed, slamming the old wood and paper sliding door as best as she could manage.

She felt the urge to through her bag, but refrained, feeling weariness replace anger, and left the bag simply slip off her shoulder instead. Aoi pulled her workbook from her bag and shuffled over to her desk. Only more trouble would be caused by her neglecting her studies. Finishing school was her only way out, right, and she felt the need to prove them wrong about her value. Fueling herself with those thoughts, Aoi worked until she heard her father snore loudly in the room beside hers. She glanced to the window and the thought of the concert tickled the back of her mind.

_If I left now, he'd never know, right?_ Aoi told herself, uncharacteristically feeling the urge to sneak out to attend. _I would be back before morning, surely._

Slipping from her rickety chair, Aoi tiptoed around her room, gathering things she thought might be useful. It was a strange impulsion that drove her now, as she tossed spare clothing into the duffle bag she had used for a half-hearted attempt at sports in middle school. The people here had no expectations of her and she felt the need to please them any longer. Perhaps her father's comment had been the final straw. Maybe she was just tired of being Akeno Aoi, the bland girl whose only friend was probably made out of pity.

Aoi felt tears burn her eyes and she vigorously wiped them away. She would show them. Show them that she wasn't just a mistake. Tossing her bag over to the window, she hurriedly changed out of her pajamas and into her mother's black dress. Her father had tossed it the day she disappeared, seeming to want no evidence that the woman had ever existed, but Aoi had wanted to keep something of her mother's. Pulling her black hair into a ponytail, Aoi grabbed the duffle bag and slipped out the window. She hoped her father would bother to cry at the note she had left behind and wish her luck.

_When she looks back, sometimes she wonders how her life would've gone if she had stayed in that town. She wonders if her father cried or if he smiled and if he wished her any luck on paving her own way. She wonders if she made him proud or if he wished her luck. But, she knows now that he probably didn't, for she had left him, just like her mother. And, after coming to terms with that, she smiles, knowing that she does regret leaving, because if she had stayed, she never would've met _him_._

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**A/N:** And that's the end of chapter one! Hope you all enjoyed :D This is my first NANA fanfic and I was inspired to write it after reading **usakokoa**'s _Down the Rabbit Hole,_ which I heavily recommend you all reading if you like Sailor Moon and NANA! Please review and help me improve! How are you all liking Aoi so far? This will be a ShinxOC fanfic, so just a heads up to all you Reira fans out there! I know there hasn't been much action yet but there will be in the next couple of chapters, I promise ;) Thanks for reading!

See you soon!


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